Just Breathe.

Just This

Do What You LOVE

Seems simple enough, right?? We all have a pretty good idea about what we love to do. I love riding my horses, being with my horses, doing anything related to my horses, being artsy, drawing, painting, drinking coffee, watching movies, listening to music, laughing, being silly, shopping, going to the zoo, going to corn mazes. Gosh, I could keep going!! I didn't realize there were so many things!! Wanna know why??

Life.

Life gets in the way of doing what you love. There isn't enough time in the day. There isn't enough time on the weekends. There especially isn't enough time when you want to spend time doing things you love with SOMEONE you love. Life likes to send ya these road blocks all the time and I just don't know why. Why does the list of TO DO always have to trump the list of LOVE TO DO??

I guess we have to just take charge and slack off on the TO DO list and then we can do our LOVE TO DO list allllllllllllll we want!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

Yeah. Like, that's gonna happen. That's just not how life works, how mommyhood works, how familyhood works, how chores work, how things that break work, how bill paying works, and on and on and on.

So, ya have days like today when your head is screaming at you to do something you love, smile, be happy, enjoy life, have a good day..........

What do ya do???

Well, ya pick SOMETHING from your list of things you love and DO IT!!!! There has to be at least one thing that you can do amidst all of the life stuff!!!

I choose...........................................WATCH MOVIES!!!! :) I hereby declare today MOVIE DAY and I will watch til I get a smile on my face and a laugh in my belly and remember that life is a bitch quite often, but it's how we choose to respond to it that matters the most!!

I self-therapize alot, can you tell?? lmao Psych degree probs...

Til next time...

Argh

I have alot of things stirring in my head today, and nothing is good. It is Tuesday, after all. Enough said? Yeah. So, I will focus on just this one thing, and I will make it quick so that I don't stray to other topics.

Words cannot express how much I really really really really really wish that "it" would have worked out how we had wanted it to. You aren't supposed to live with regrets, but this is one regret I think I will always have. That's not saying "it" can't still happen, but NOW would have been a really great time for it to happen. For me. Not for everyone though, and I guess that's why "it" couldn't happen now. Sigh. Always the sacrifice.

So the suffering and enduring will continue..................for who knows how many years.

Oh yay.

That's all.

Til next time...

Black and White

"It's a press on tattoo!!" lmao JK!! It's very real. I was just channeling Meg Ryan there for a sec. The tattoo is doing well and I just wanted to share a pic from today. :)

Til next time...

For the Love of Pete

Move on already. It started out at a good place, sorta a second place place, but whatever. It was real and it was fun while it lasted. You got something outta the deal that you never would have, and we got something outta the deal too. Then life happened and it wasn't working anymore. It's not like you put up much of a fight, so that must mean deep down you felt it too. So, let it go...

It's ok.

Til next time...

Today I Got a TATTOO!!

SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

I have been wanting to bust this out for a while now, but forced myself to keep quiet until it was all done. I GOT A TATTOO!!!!!! Yay!!! I found an idea of what I wanted but then I drew it and perfected it myself. It took a couple of weeks and several different tries to get the one that made me cry. That's how I knew it was the ONE. I already had an appointment made and was collaborating with my tattoo artist to get his input since this was my first tattoo. He probably thinks I'm nuts but he was really great and I felt comfortable the entire time!!

I am not going to show the actual pic online. Eventually I may show portions but I know how the internet is and I just don't want my private design shared and used. 

I got this in memory of my angel Owen and my angel Sisco. If you wanna close your eyes and try to imagine my tattoo, feel free. :) If you look closely you can see an S for Sisco and there are two lil O's for Owen. The three lines on the hearts are for Owen, Sisco, and myself.......our hearts are joined together for infinity. ♥

This day has been kind of emotional. I wasn't nervous or scared about my tattoo. Once I got the tattoo and ever since then today, I have had things pop up that have reminded me of exactly why I wanted to get my memorial tattoo. Some songs I heard and some shows I watched touched a place that I have reserved for Owen and Sisco. In a way, it reassured me that they are with me and that was their way of telling me just that. Today has been a bit teary at times, but then I stop and think, you know what, I went through hell from 2010 to 2012 with what seemed like loss after loss and the universe just knockin me into the ground. It was a very hard thing to bounce back from and I will be the first to admit that I took a hella long time to do so. But now, things are good. I feel like myself, actually I feel better. I have become even stronger than I was and I also gained the knowledge to help others who have to go through something similar. The tears and the sadness will never be something that will completely leave me, but I am determined to be happy, and make my life everything I have ever dreamt of it being. I feel like we are beginning again and life is brighter and sunnier and Someone is on our side!! I feel like I can BREATHE again and it feels wonderful!! :)

Here's looking forward to what lies ahead in life and being able to look down at my wrist and smile at where I have been and how I have learned and grown from what I went through. Cheers!!

Til next time...

Surrender

Hey, remember that one thing from a while ago?? Yeah, that thing. Well, disregard. Nevermind. I was wrong. Again. But ya know what, it's ok!!!! I am ok with it!!! 

And...........I've realized some things. 

It can't be already in existence, I HAVE TO CREATE IT MYSELF!!!! 
I have spent a very long time chasing and trying to force the issue. Several times.
Now I surrender. It's time to see who finds me and stays. :)

Ok, that's all I have for now. lol Vague, I know. But, it's all good!! 

Til next time...

A Bit of a Rant

As far as I'm concerned, you forfeited everything. You don't have a say. You don't have time. You don't have a clue. I am so beyond done with your convenience bullshit. I have zero tolerance for you anymore. You are so wrapped up in your own life and your own lies that you have missed out on everything. Even when you say you're going to change, you don't. Just save your words, save your precious time, save your lies, save it all!!! I don't trust you. I don't believe you. I don't rely on you. I don't want anything from you. Ever. So, the next time you feel the urge to be CONVENIENT......................DON'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





(Ahem. Sorry for the rant. I got a bit annoyed tonight and I get so sick of people getting to skip out on responsibility and of people treating people like they are a convenience. Just sick of it.................)

Til next time....... (and a happier less violent blog post lmao)

Psychology of Color

My favorite color has always been blue. I came across this today while playing on Pinterest. It is pretty spot on. Eww, I hate saying "spot on". It is pretty gosh darn accurate!! Much better. Here is a link to my color of blue, and from there you will see a link to a Pinterest page and that is where you can find all the other colors. Find yours!! Is the description correct?? Isn't Psychology FUN!! :)

The Land of Color

Click it. You know you wanna!! Remember to click the link in the link to get other colors if your favorite color isn't blue. If it is, then, you're welcome!! ;)

Til next time...