This weekend, while at the store, we ran into a friend of my hubby's and his little boy. The little boy was an avid animal lover and we were talking about all the animals we both had, which was A LOT. We walked out to the parking lot still talking about animals and how amazing they are and we said our goodbyes. That was when I learned his name. Owen. I almost cried. Here was this amazing lil fella who loved animals as much as I did and it just warmed my heart and crushed it all at once. Grief does that to ya. And, I don't care who came up with the dumb phrase of "time heals all wounds" but it's a crock of shit. You never fully heal. You may learn a new way of living with out them, but you never fully heal from the loss of them. You pray and hope for signs from them. You look forward to that on a daily basis. At least I do....
When the summer is here, I find myself seeing my angels, Owen and Sisco, in butterfly form. They will flutter around our heads, or linger around Owen's bush or around the pasture with Mac and Trader, and I will get the distinct feeling that it's one of my angels coming to say hello, to let us know that they think of us as much as we think of them, to be with us even though they can't be with us in the forms we knew them as.
Then summer ends........the butterflies go......
Since then I have noticed things I have never noticed before. I think they are new. Before we moved to the farm, I would have white feathers appear in my path when we would go to feed the horses. One time, my hubby and I both clearly heard a child yell MOM and it was none of our kids who were all in their rooms at the time. I also associate rainbows with my Owen. Now that we are at the farm, I have noticed new ways my angels are communicating with me. I pray every night for them to come see me, to come say hi. I miss them both more than words can say and I can admit that I nag them and want them to be with me in spirit every. single. day. Most days, they comply with their momma. Those days are better than the days when they don't.
My Sisco has been sending me "S" signs. I will look down and there will be a piece of dried grass in the shape of an S, or a piece of hay in the shape of an S in the barn, or a cloud in the shape of an S. I saw a few and although I noticed them, I didn't really think too much of them. Then, I kept seeing them and seeing them and I would just giggle to myself and smile knowing my sweet boy was wanting to be here with his momma as much as she wanted him here with her. We had a very special connection. I could talk to him and he understood. He would go anywhere I would go. If I sat down, he would stay right beside me and eat while I talked to him. If you aren't a horse lover and you've never had a horse, then I don't expect you to understand this connection or how huge this loss was to me.
My Owen has been sending me signs in another way. Since he was born still, I have seen more and more children named Owen. Before him, I really didn't hear that name often. Now, when I see it or hear it or a friend has a child named Owen or a grandchild named Owen, I instantly think of my boy, and I think of how he is living on through all of these children named Owen. I think of the traits they have that he would have probably had too. This latest lil Owen though, wow, he threw me for a loop, because he was exactly how I pictured my Owen would have been, in looks and in personality and in his love for animals. This was the biggest sign yet, aside from when he said MOM.
As I was reflecting on all of this over the weekend, I realized something. Since my loss of Sisco, I have gotten my Trader. Since my loss of Owen, I have had my Leo. I may have lost Sisco and Owen in the physical sense, but I have gained Trader and Leo, and doubled the number that I have been so very blessed to love. Instead of just two beautiful beings to love, I have gotten FOUR beautiful beings to love and cherish for the rest of my life. Yes, the pain and sorrow will still always be there for the two that cannot be with me on this Earth, but this new realization is one that I will be working on within my mind to try and help myself cope with that sad reality. Trader and Leo help me to cope too. I can throw my arms around them and know that they are so much like Sisco and Owen that it's almost like they are still here. Almost.
So, anyway, that's what has been floating around in my head lately. To those who are also dealing with grief and loss as a part of their daily lives, I send you hugs and prayers. I hope that you are finding your own way to still feel connected to your lost loved ones and to live without them, and know that you are not alone.
Til next time....
FOR LEGGINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I really hope you didn't think I meant Christmas crap lol I am a FIRM believer in not seeing anything Christmas related until well AFTER the absolute best holiday of them all...........................THANKSGIVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyway, I digress, lol, back to leggings. HOLY CRAP YOU KNOW WHAT I JUST REALIZED!!??!?!?!?! I have been an abby+anna girl for one whole year!!! Today is my one year anniversary!!!!!!! Whoa!!! That is crazy that I started this blog and then happened to glance at the date and it just hit me that October 11th is my anniversary date with them!!!!! That is crazy!!!! haha Now, I am totally distracted and I forgot what I was going to blog about!!! Oh!!!! I remember. This crazy Indiana weather of ours. Two days ago I was in shorts and a tee and sweating when I was outside. Yesterday, it rained and it was disgusting and chilly outside. I had to add a sweatshirt and capris to my tee. Today, it is sunny, but cold outside and I have on leggings, knee socks, a tee and a sweatshirt, my Sloggers boots, and I had to wear my barn coat as well. I almost put on a sock cap too!!! It's not even mid-October and I'm already freezing my cute lil leggings covered ass off!!!! lmao That's what's on my mind today, yall. Deep thoughts haha Ok, so let's celebrate the return of the sun and my one year anniversary with abby+anna and go buy yourself something hella cute from abby+anna!!!! I double dog dare ya!!! ;)
My link is www.shopabbyanna.com/somethingme Get ready!!!! Get set!!!!!!!! GO SHOP!!!!!!!!!!
Til next time....
TV is my escape. I look forward to all my shows starting their new seasons in the Fall. Well, I used to..... This Fall I have noticed a change in many of my favorite shows and I couldn't figure out what the heck happened and why things felt different all of the sudden. I felt my excitement fade and I wasn't even caring if I missed several of my favorite shows. I mean, I have been invested in these shows for yearsssssssss, and I'm not one to quit on my shows. But..........................I am THIS close to sayin forget it for some of my favorite series because of one simple reason. Politics. Politics can suck it. I am so beyond over politics. It seems to never stop flooding social media, flooding my TV, flooding life. People have seriously become obsessed with politics and I have a real hard time finding what they actually love or enjoy out of life because all they ever talk about is stupid ass politics. I get on social media these days and scroll a little bit and then become so annoyed with all of the incessant political crap and bashing and hateful shit that spews out of everyone's mouths that I just close out. Now, the writers of some of my favorite shows have decided to pull the same crap and incorporate their stupid political views into my shows. TV IS MY ESCAPE. TV IS HOW I WIND DOWN AND TAKE A BREAK FROM THE STRESSES OF LIFE. I don't want the reality that I have shoved in my face every day showing up on my shows too. I guess I will have to start clicking and closing out of my shows too........ To quote Rockstar.........................I find this...........DISGUSTING.......and just 12 weeks after her daughter's birthday. Go back to making TV entertaining and focusing on getting your viewers to engage and feel, instead of just repeating all of the crap we already have to see every time we open our social media.
And, now I'd like to give a SHOUT OUT to a few of my shows that have not jumped on this political bandwagon and are sticking with what a TV show should really be about, making you FEEL ALL THE FEELS................................This Is Us, The Resident, a million little things, God Friended Me, SEAL Team, The Good Doctor, Blue Bloods. If you don't watch those, you should check em out!!
To those shows of mine who have chosen to take the ENTERTAINMENT and the FEELS out of your scripts and replace it with political crap, SHAME ON YOU. I repeat, POLITICS CAN SUCK IT!!
Til next time....
I have never been one for taking prescription drugs. I just don't like it, don't trust it, don't want it. My mom is the same way. The most I ever take is two Aleve for headaches or elbow pain and I really don't even like doing that. Over the past several years, I have been into the natural and herbal remedies for things. I would much rather start there and see if something natural works for whatever ails me. If you Google "natural remedy" "herbal remedy" or even "natural herbal remedy" for whatever you have going on, you will see a lot of information pop up and learn other ways to treat issues other than pharmacy drugs. You can even go to Images and there will be posters shown that others have made with natural and herbal remedies for many different ailments. Now, this is a very broad range of ailments and I cannot speak to all of them. I can only talk about what I have personally tried and use for my own personal ailments. As with everything I do, research is key!!!!! DO YOUR RESEARCH!!!! Not everyone is going to say the exact same thing, and many times it is just about finding a starting point and then working toward finding what works for YOU.
As I have gotten older and wiser and my brain seems to work on overtime and think too much and fill itself with all the what if's and any and all possible scenarios that could or could not happen, and it becomes too much sometimes. I call that my Anxiety. Something else that I have noticed more and more is that it feels like the inside of my head is swirling and swirling with ideas and things I need to do and I have a helluva time slowing the swirling down and focusing on just one thing and then the next and the next, etc. I call this my ADD. I have also developed some really crappy elbows lately. It hurts to even lift my coffee up to drink!!!! I'm also a high strung kinda gal. I get amped up easily. I have all the emotions and ain't skeered to show em. I'm sensitive. I'm outspoken. It's who I am and sometimes I exhaust myself and I'm sure I exhaust the people around me too. I also get the lovely stress headaches that like to hang out in knots in the back of my neck and spread up to my eyeballs and hang out for a day or so. And, lastly and grossly, I am one of the super lucky (sarcasm font) people who can get cold sores. Guh-ross!!!!!!! That one is obviously my least favorite, for obvious reasons.
So, allllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll of that has lead me to finding ways I can treat all my personal ailments naturally and not have to be reliant upon prescription drugs for them. To help me chill out and calm the crap down, I have gotten Himalayan Salt Lamps. I diffuse Peppermint Essential Oil and other EO's in my diffuser and in lockets. They are nice, they are helpful.
To help me with the grossy gross one, I take L-Lysine daily. Boom. Bye nasties!!
Recently, very recently, I have discovered something that helps me with my biggest issues, the anxiety and the attention issues, plus my headaches and elbow pain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I researched and read and researched and read and researched and read. I don't take putting something into my body lightly. I want to understand it and read all the reviews and get a full grasp on something before I will give it a try. This was no different. I had been wanting to try to for a while, but was hesitant. I worried what people might think. But, then I remembered, I don't give a crap what people think lmao I am my own person. I think for myself. I make my own decisions. And this what about ME, about MY body, about MY personal issues that I wanted to get a handle on so that I could be a better me. What did I discover?? Well, I didn't discover it lol That makes me sound like Christopher Columbus or something. What did I decide to try out??? How's that?? Yeah. That's better. What did I decide to try out for my anxiety issues and my attention issues and my headaches and my elbow pain?????? I decided to try out CBD OIL!!!!!!!!!!!! Technically, I decided to try out the CBD Oil gummies (aka edibles) and see if they really truly lived up to their recent hype. Well, ya know what..........................they did. I researched and found some companies who are top in many of the reviews I read while researching. I had to do math and figure out the dosages and what would be a good starting point for my size. I started out small and found a level that worked. I don't take it daily or take more than is suggested. I take what works for me and helps me with my anxiety and ADD and headaches and elbow pain. These aren't daily issues, but happen multiple times a week for me. CBD Oil is good for soooooooooooooo many things!!!! I read many stories while I was researching of folks who had been taking prescription meds for years and once they tried CBD Oil and got their personal dosage figured out, they were able to toss those prescriptions all together!!! I also had a dear friend that I knew was the same as I am and takes the natural approach, so she was a huge help in answering my questions and helping me to talk through this decision and figure it all out. It's one thing to read things written by strangers, but it's another thing to be able to speak to someone you know and trust about something so personal as dealing with your personal issues on a natural level.
So, that's that. I have been trying to find something to post about to get back into my blogging, but you can't choose it, it has to choose you. This morning, it chose me and I knew this was what I wanted to post about to get myself back into the swing of blogging. I guess you could say that blogging is another of my natural treatments. It really helps when I get stuck on something that I can't sort out. Writing and venting help to clear your mind, so you can move forward.
Now if I could only find a natural treatment for my easily annoyed issues and dealing with stupid people issues and rage issues lmao ;) I think that might be called MAGIC.
Til next time....
I haven't blogged for a little over four years. WOW!!!!! I came here a few weeks ago and read through some of my old blog posts. What an emotional whirlwind that was, let me tell ya!!!! Things got rough for a while. A lot has changed in my life in those four years!!! I really need to update my blog and I will get to that.......once I figure out how lol A lot has changed on my blog format as well, so things aren't quite the same as when I left it. I will get to that....
For now, I will do a quick catch up and then I have a blog post floating around in my head that I will get out today as well. Let's catch up!!!!! Ok, well, I am still married to the same amazing fella, and our four amazing kiddos are now 22 (tomorrow!!), 20, 16, and 6!!!! I am still a stay at home mom with my Something Me LLC business, and I am homeschooling my youngest two. We have added to our animal family because....................are you sitting down??? You really need to be sitting down. Ok, I will trust that you are sitting down. WE FINALLY GOT OUR FARM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Squeeeeeeeee!!!! After about ten years of owning horses and needing our own farm so that we didn't have to keep boarding our boys, we now have our farm!!!! Our boys are finally HOME with us!!!! We have also added to our list of rescued dogs since I last blogged, and to our list of cats (thanks for dumping your knocked up stray cats, you jerk people, they and their babies are now safe and loved by us), we have gotten more chickens, lots more chickens, sooooooooooo many more chickens!!!!! Who'd a thunk I would ever be a chicken person after growing up with a mom who is deathly afraid of all birds??? But, here I am, rockin it!!!! lmao We got GOATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Goats are crazy, yall lol They are pretty hilarious creatures!!!! And our latest additions are two black adorable sassy bratty super cute mini pigs!!!!! One was starved and one was overfed, so even though they are only a month apart in age, their sizes are totally different. Our hearts couldn't be more full!!!! Having our farm is a dream come true!!!! Having a farm for my kids to grow up on like I did is my dream come true!!!!!
There ya have it. I think that pretty much covers all the big stuff. Yer all caught up!!!! ;)
Til next time....
