One Second Delay

Ah grief. That thing that never leaves you. That thing that sneaks up on you when you plan on having a good day and it decides otherwise. That tricky lil buggar that is supposed to be "cured" the more time goes on. Grief. The reality is that it never leaves you. When you lose someone that means so much to you, the grief you feel from losing them is with you every single day. There is something I have noticed since losing my Owen and my Sisco. I call it the "one second delay". You know how TV has the three second delay, so that they can fix any naughty words or whatever they don't want actually airing? Well, grief has a one second delay. On those nights where you actually find yourself sleeping peacefully and your mind is filled with wonderful dreams, when you wake up, there is one second where your brain actually forgets about the grief you live with daily. There is one second where you feel calm and without a care in the world. There is one second where you haven't lost anyone. And then, the second is gone. Your brain kicks in and kicks out all of those calm, peaceful feelings, and the grief comes rushing back in, reminding you full force that your loved ones are still gone and your grief lives on. Blah. The holidays bring out the grief the worst in me. I will make sure to post a happy post soon.

Til then....