I feel like lately I have two faces. I have the face that most of you see. I also have the face that I keep hidden.
The face that most of you see is the one where Im strong, the one where I can push things out of my mind and function like a normal person. This is the face I have when Im out in public and I have things that distract me and keep my mind occupied. This is the face where I focus on doing things for other people and being there for other people. This is the face you see when Im at work and when Im volunteering at Columbia. This face is the one that I try to keep on for as long as I possibly can each day.
The face I keep hidden is the one where the slightest thing can trigger a breakdown. This is the face that sneaks up on me. It doesnt have to be blatant, in my face, BAM sort of trigger. It just has to be the tiniest little thing that makes me think all over again, "what if", "what could have been", "what wasnt", and those always get followed by the ever lovely, "WHY!?!?". I really struggle with the Why. I think if I knew the Why, everything else would be easier. But, then I realize Ill probably never know the Why.
So, how do I balance these two faces??
As best I can.
xoxo,
S
Maybe one of these days Ill figure it all out and even get back to happy, silly, fun blogs again!!
I bet you will know the why some day. Some day you will help another mom deal with the struggles you have gone through OR some day your chidren will handle a particular situation in a way only they could have because of what they have gone through. The why may not be answered today, but that little guy will have a positive impact on people still on this Earth.
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